Like we need more talking candy...

Don't get me wrong. I love those conversation hearts. And I'm used to the corny little two word phrases. That's half the fun. But really Dove, must you?


Today I ate my lunch and had my usual dessert: Chocolate.  And one of my favorites at that: Dove Dark Chocolate, with almonds. Mmmm.  I've noticed for at least a few years now, that Dove has decided to get in line with Necco's valentine hearts and Chinese Food's Fortune Cookies by writing little ditties on the inside of their individually wrapped chocolates. But no matter how bad a fortune cookie fortune can be, and we all know they can be pretty spectactular, I'm thinking Dove has managed to stoop lower.  I don't usually read these, but today I did. I even sacrificially ate six pieces just to share the inifinite wisdom of the Dove candy fortune writers.


"Discover how much your heart can hold."


How much my heart can hold what? Blood? No...probably not blood. It is a candy company, and chocolate at that. Chocolate? Discover how much chocolate my heart can hold? Perhaps, but really, I'd prefer my stomach hold the chocolate.


"Do something spontaneous."


Like eat an entire bag of Dove Chocolate? Sadly that wouldnt be so spontaneous for me.


"Believe in those you love."


Maybe I'm not the sappy type. This just made me want to gag. You want me to eat your chocolate right, Dove? Not gag on it? Ah ha! I see I spoke prematurely...


"Chocolate Always Loves you Back."


I'm supposed to believe in those I love. All those Dove dark chocolate with almond pieces I just shoved into my heart spontaneously, because, after all Chocolate Always Loves Me Back.  Dove said so. Two times, as a matter of fact. One wrapper after another proclaimed it. It must be true. I'm a true believer now, in the ones I love. Thanks Dove.


"Exercise your heart today."


Interestingly enough, I feel after six pieces of chocolate, I've come full circle, back to the heart. I suppose this is the politically correct health conscious wrapper. I mean, I already indulged in all that spontaneous chocolate that I believe in, because it loves me back, doubly so. The flab that wiggles around my middle definitely confirms it. Dove wouldnt be a conscientious candy company without it's own special brand of health warning. "Exercise your heart today." Does Godiva care as much as Dove? Apparently not. Godiva has never asked me once to jog after I've indulged in a box of Her chocolates. Hmph.


I guess I really should go for a jog or something...



Nah.