After spending his first year of life cooped up in a cage in a barn, Oswald thinks he's living the high-life. I let the rabbit run around the yard once in awhile, since we have a small fenced in space. Under close supervision, he also enjoys a few hours exploring the house too. He's mastered hopping up two steps, sniffed every square inch of the living room and kitchen, and figured out how to jump on and off and on and off and on and off the couch, again and again, and uh, again. (Apparently this is great bunny entertainment). So far, we've had very little problems with allowing the rabbit some freedom. Our electrical cords are still in tact. He hasn't chewed anything to bits. And, normally, he contains his waste to his cage or the litter box. However, yesterday, Ozzy was a naughty bunny.
Ruthie was sitting under the tiny tree in our backyard doing her math homework. The last thing she expected was a big fuzz ball to come and flop down on her math book. He sprawled over both pages, and sniffed at Ruthie. Giggling, she said, "Oswald, NO! I'm trying to see my math problems!" Just as quick, her laughter turned into a cry of distress. Turning from weeding my flower bed, I asked, "What happened?"
"Oswald peed on my math book. He PEED on it. Oswald! Why did you pee on my math book?"
Oswald, looking mighty pleased with himself, and unwilling to move his lump of fluff off of her book, declined giving a reason. Maybe he knew Ruthie hates math. Maybe he was trying to do her a favor. Most likely though, it was because math books are made of paper and Oswald has a serious paper fetish. Peeing on the math book was the most logical way to claim it as his.
After Ruth shooed the rabbit away, he kept trying to hop back and nibble on the pages. The more she pushed him away, the more he insisted on having the text book for his own. As if in a fevered state, he started digging at the pages, hopping sideways, running in circles around the book, and then repeating the whole procedure in between Ruth shoving him away so she could clean off the pages. "Oswald, No! OSWALD! ARGH!" She moaned.
I began fussing at her for keeping the book on the ground. "Put it up on the patio table where he can't get to it." I said through clenched teeth. I was covered in mud, and virtually useless in the Oswald v. Ruth v. Math Book kung fu competition, though I did make a few decent blocks with my foot. I didn't think mud would be a welcome addition to the rabbit pee. I didn't want to have to groom it out of the bunny's long fur, so I couldn't pick him up at that moment. And I wasn't sure if I dared to make a break to the kitchen to wash up. Ozzy would surely take advantage of my momentary absence. "Go get a paper towel." I commanded. Ruth ran inside, grabbed the roll and began sopping up the urine.
"He also peed all over my homework paper."
"You'll have to re-copy it onto a new piece of paper."
"Oh Oswald. You caused me soooo much trouble." She spoke to the rabbit, who, no longer having a book to eat, decided to run a few more laps around the yard.
Ruth informed me that the principal will be sending me a bill. And, since I'm pretty sure Oswald won't be willing or able to cough up the $80, unsurprisingly, I will be purchasing a new math text book for the elementary school.
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