Meaning no offense to the Canadians, I feel the need to say, Canada has been a pain in my side for the past few weeks.
For social studies, Joshua had to re-create the entire map of canada. He was given an 8 1/2" x 11" photocopy of Canada. He had to draw a grid on said photocopy. Then he had to draw the same grid, double sized on a rather large piece of paper. Joshua was expected to draw the outline of the Canadian landscape, which, my OCD son did, very meticulously. It was perfection. Canada should be so proud. Meanwhile, Jeremy and I were pulling out our collective head hairs, or at least having them turn grey because Joshua's perfection was costing him valuable time. The due date lingered in the near future, and it didn't look as if he was going to ever finish rendering the outline of the map.
Over Thanksgiving, we went away, and Joshua spent his vacation drawing,
and drawing
and drawing
and drawing.
Until one day, he finally finished the outline. We cheered. All of us. Even Ruthie and Hannah.
And we didn't see Canada for about a week. Suddenly, in the back of Jeremy's mind, this niggling thought made him wonder why we hadn't seen Canada for a week, when up to that point, we saw Canada every single day for at least two hours per day. Suspicious, Jeremy asked Joshua, "Um Josh, Where's your map? Don't you have to color in the provinces and label stuff?"
"Huh?" Joshua said with his typical deer in the headlights expression. "OHHHH the MAAAAAAP! Yeah, The map, um. Uh. Ummmm. I don't know." He started his standard crying and freak-fest. "OH NO!!!!!!! WHERE'S MY MAP! IT'S DUE ON WEDNESDAY!!! I KNOW I HAD IT IN MY BACKPACK. HAVE YOU SEEN IT? HAVE YOU SEEN IT? HAVE YOU SEEN IT?"
"Calm down. Settle down. Joshua knock it off," I threatened as he tossed the house without really looking for his map. "Maybe you took it to school."
"Yeah! Maybe I did!"
"Ok, Son. Here's the deal. You don't find the map at school on Monday. You're restarting the project. I don't care if you only have three days until it's due. Something is better than nothing," Jeremy said. Joshua knows he's in deep when Daddy calls him "Son." His eyes grew big as saucers, as he weakly nodded.
Monday afternoon, he came home from school and I immediately asked him if he found his map. "No," he replied, distressed.
"Then you'll restart your project."
"I'm just going to look for an hour more around home."
"NO. You. Will. Not. It took you forever to draw the map in the first place. You will not waste another hour looking for it. You will start the Canada Project over again."
He attempted to get into my face. He tried arguing. He nearly lost his life.
About thirty minutes later, I saw this strange paper sticking out of our humongous mound of mail, bills, and school work that sits on our kitchen counter. Pulling it out, I unfolded it revealed Canada in all its glory one more time. "I found your map!" I hollered out to Joshua.
"YOU DID?!??" YAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Joshua shouted as he bounded down the stairs like a herd of elephants. Happy as a clam, The Boy added his labels, colored in his provinces, and managed to finish putting Canada together barely in time.
Wednesday morning was a Band Morning, and on Band Mornings, I carpool two other sixth graders. They got into the car with their maps and Joshua took one look and cringed. My heart dropped to my stomach. "You mean we had to color in the water, label it "Canada" and draw a compass too?" Joshua asked his classmates.
I sighed. "Do you mean to tell me you didn't read the directions thoroughly?" I asked. He had the wisdom to look sheepish. "Well, you have fifteen minutes before morning announcements. Maybe you can at least label your map "Canada" and put your compass on. You'll only lose a point or two for failing to color in the massive amount of water."
I watched the kids walk through the school doors and sighed the maternal sigh of relief that signals the end of a major school project. I thought nothing more of Canada for the rest of the day. I even felt rather light and carefree. Until The Boy came home.
He rushed through the door in a panic, "Did you happen to see The Map in the car?"
"What. do. you. mean?" I asked through clenched teeth.
"My map. Of Canada? I have to finish it and take it back to school" He asked smartly. He nearly died a second time.
"Don't take the tone with me, Son. I saw you walk through those doors with your map. It's gotta be somewhere at school." Joshua must have had a real death wish. He had the gall to ask me to take him back up to school so he could look for it again. "You've got two feet," I said, my teeth clenching tighter. "Walk."
I was a little frustrated with his Social Studies teacher. I couldn't figure out why she'd make him bring it back home for three lousy little parts to the project. Just take the points off, I thought. As Joshua was up at his school frantically searching, I decided to try and see if his teacher had left for the day yet.
"Hi, This is Joshua's Mom. He's up at the school right now looking for his map."
"He's here now?" his teacher asked.
"Yes. I know he walked in the doors with it. I know he had band this morning. I was just hoping when you see him, maybe directing him towards the band room to look for the map. By the way, why does he have to bring it back home to finish it? I thought it was finished." I lied a bit through my teeth.
"I never even saw the map. He never turned it in," She replied.
"He never turned it in?" I wanted to beat my head against the wall. In the space of about four hours from the time he entered the building to the time he had Social Studies Joshua managed to lose Canada. I sighed. I told the teacher about the family propensity to wander around aimlessly with items in their hands until they just set it down. It's a terrible affliction that affects Jeremy, Joshua, and Ruthie. Hannah and I are the only ones that ever know where anything is, where anything belongs, and what we've done with our stuff after it's been in our hands. Canada could have been ANYWHERE in his elementary school. I sighed again. "So, if he doesn't find it. I guess you should just give him a zero. Because if he loses a letter grade for each day it's late, he'll have a zero anyway. You have no idea how long this map took him to make. He'll never have another one made by the end of this week, even."
"I can't give him a zero!" She said incredulous that I'd even suggest such an idea. "The Map is worth 100 points. He'll fail social studies! If he doesn't find the map, maybe I can give him some other assignment to do. Because he has to turn in something."
"That sounds more than fair to me. Well, when you see Josh, just see if he can get into the band..." I got cut off by The Boy walking in the back door, map in hand. "You. Brought. The. Map. Home. Why did you bring the map home?" I asked, too tired to care anymore. I forgot I was holding the phone and his teacher was on the other side. She started to laugh.
"He brought it back home?"
"Yes. I can send him back up."
"No. No. That's ok. I'm on my way out. Just have him turn it in tomorrow. I won't take any points off since he does have the map."
"Thank you so much. I am sooo sorry."
Joshua then proceeded to open up The Map and started to finish coloring the water. I beat my head a few times against a wall.
Canada, once again safe in his backpack, Joshua went to Chorus today. Here's hoping he doesn't lose it again.
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