I have to wonder...

...what the elementary school thinks about us, as parents.

If you're a long-time follower of my family's antics, you'll recall a few years ago, I believe it was September 25, 2008, Joshua accidentally took a pot roast to school.

Today, I received another phone call from the assistant principal relating another food incident with yet another one of my children. I will preface this story by saying, I am sick. And when I'm sick, I just maybe, quite possibly, might not be paying as close attention to what my kids are doing as I probably should. So while I was laying on the couch, wishing for death, or at least, wishing I hadn't eaten anything that day, Hannah was happily packing her lunch for school the next day.

I stayed home again today, subsisting on a diet of toast and ginger ale, or else I might have missed the phone call. The phone rang, and I reached from the couch to grab it off the cedar chest that doubles as a mini-coffee table. Hmm, I thought as I read the school's number on the caller-ID. Could this be the nurse? How am I going to go get one of my kids? I'm still in my PJ's and I haven't even done but the most basic of grooming today. Tentatively, I answered the phone. "Hello?"
"Hi Mrs -----?"
"Speaking," I said.
"Well, this is going to be a strange phone call. Oh, how do I say this, where to start," the assistant principal said. "Hannah brought a whole head of lettuce into school for lunch and a cup of apple sauce. She was eating it like an apple. I told her this was NOT how we eat lettuce. She said, 'But it's fun!' So I took the lettuce back to the kitchen, cored it, wash it and portioned it out for her. I asked her if she wanted some salad dressing, but she just wanted it plain." She paused and chuckled.
"I am sooo sorry," I said. "I haven't been feeling well, and not as attentive as I should be," I added lamely in attempt to excuse my poor mothering skills.
"It's alright," she said. "I gave her some saltines too, because we all know lettuce and applesauce don't really hold the belly. And she'll probably be really hungry when she gets home from school. Oh and I put the rest of it in a to-go container to bring home. You'll want to stick it into the fridge right away. Not sure how long it will keep since it's been in her lunch bag all day."
"Well, I really appreciate it, thanks so much. I'm really embarrassed. First my oldest child brings a pot roast to school, and now this."
"Oh, that's right! You're the pot roast mom." She laughed.
Great, I thought. I'm the pot roast mom.
"Well, you should see what some of these kids bring for lunch," she said. "This wasn't too bad. Hope you feel better soon."
I thanked her again, hung up and awaited my munchkin to return from school so I could confront her.

As she walked in the door a few hours later, I said, "Yo, Child. Where's my lettuce?"
"What?"
"Where's my lettuce?"
"Oh, I have it in here."
"Don't ever take a whole head of lettuce to school again," I said as I took the to-go container out of her little hands. She smiled impishly and told me how her principal fixed the lettuce.
I decided to let it go with a warning. She is awful cute after all.