"Kids are expensive..."

I told Jeremy as I wrote out a check for fifty-two dollars. "He needs both Tap and Jazz shoes this year for the musical. You think, when you become a parent, that it's going to be clothes and diapers, and maybe toys. I didn't realize it would be uniforms, bass guitar lessons, and tap shoes."
"Tap shoes?" Jeremy asked as he looked up at me, alarmed and I knew it wasn't the money he was concerned about.
We exchanged a knowing look as Joshua rubbed his hands together in evil-glee, "I can't wait to get my tap shoes."

I had a momentary vision of any hopes of peace and quiet flying out the door of my home for the next few weeks. No. Who am I kidding? I will be hearing ratta tatta tap tap tap for life. It's the next best thing to carrying a drum around: the ability to wear a percussion instrument on one's feet! So, I always knew The Boy would enjoy tap dancing. He can't walk anywhere from her to there without making rhythm with his hands and feet. But for years it was "Dancing is for giiiiiirrrrrllllsss" if I tried to bring up the subject.

The musical this year is "Thoroughly Modern Millie." I had never heard of it, but apparently, there is a huge amount of dancing, and a lot of these numbers require the entire cast, or a good portion of it. Joshua, being one of the few male members of the troupe, was cast as the butler and as a 'featured dancer.' Back in September, the dance clinics started to help the kids prepare for the auditions. I knew I was in trouble when Josh came home and declared, "MOM! I HAVE to HAVE tap lessons!" Since then I've been living in dread of the day the shoes came home. I'm still not sure when the day I forever lose my sanity will occur. But rest assured, when the padded truck pulls up the curb, you'll know why.

When I picked The Boy up from play practice on Thursday night, I discovered they had been fitted for their dance shoes (oh joy) with the promise that the shoes would come in next week (hooray). Before we left, the director wanted to know what color t-shirt Joshua wanted. (Oh good, more money out of the pocket). He chose royal blue, and we made way to leave.

"Wait," said the director, "Do you want anything written on the back of the shirt? "
"Uhm, put 'featured' on the back," Josh said.
"Featured?" the director and I said at the same time.
"Yeah, cuz I'm a 'featured' dancer," he replied.
"Don't you want your character's name?" The director asked. "Most of the cast are getting their character names written on the back, if they have a part."
Joshua looked at the director as if he suddenly grew horns on his head. "Kenneth?" Joshua asked incredulous. "Kenneth the Butler?"
It was the expression on the boy's face that made us laugh. I suppose "Kenneth" wasn't very cool and I could imagine it would confuse the general public. He'd forever be wondering why people were calling him 'Kenneth" every time he wore the shirt, so I suggested "How about 'The Butler Did It.' "
"I don't get it."
"Never mind," I said.
"Just put 'featured' on the back," Josh said as we turned to walk out the door. I imagined my wallet opening up and the bills sprouting wings and flying away.