Home Alone

I have no more brain cells. Most of them are fried from years of having to think on my toes, and I'm only half way through parenting my children. Some would argue that my job will never end, but I keep on with the never ending hope that the hard parts will eventually pass with time.  The constant outmaneuvering the minds of my devious children is wearying.

As Joshua ages, we've allowed him to stay home alone for twenty to thirty minutes here and there. It's good practice for him, and it gives me a little freedom to run an errand with one less child. Believe me, it makes a difference.  Even though he's the oldest, he's still the most difficult to take into a store.

The other day, while the kids were in school, my father and I made a trip to the mega-monster-warehouse hardware store.  To my shock and horror, we lost track of time. By the time I reached the check-out counter, I realized I should have been home to greet my kids from school.  So I called the house phone with my cellular.  I have our home phone programmed with a song ring tone so that Joshua knows if I'm trying to call him. Otherwise, the rules are, he is never to answer the phone.

On the third ring he picked up. "Hi Mama. Where are you?"
"I'm sorry baby. I lost track of time. I'm at the mega-monster-warehouse hardware store. By the time Pop and I check out and load up the van, then drop it off at the studio, it will be almost four o'clock. Will you be ok?" I was worried because he was now in charge of his two little sisters, instead of just himself. Never mind I was babysitting at his age, sometimes till two in the morning.  I just wasn't sure he could manage them. They don't like taking orders from him.
"I'll be o.k."
"Do you want me to talk to the girls?"
"YES PLEASE!"
"Ok, give the phone to Ruthie."
"Hello, Mama?" The little voice on the other end came through tentatively.
"Ruthie?"
"Yeah."
"Are you paying attention?"
"Uh-huh."
"Really?"
"Um."
"I need you to listen to me."
"I'm here."
"Ok. Joshua is in charge. You must listen to him if something happens. No fighting with him. He knows the rules."
"Uh-huh."
"Who's in charge."
"Huh?"
"Are you listening?" I sighed. Sometimes it's like talking to a wall. Really, the wall pays better attention.
"Yes."
"What did I say?"
"Joshua is in charge. I shouldn't fight with him."
"Ok. Now give the phone to Hannah."
"Hi Mama." Hannah was decidedly cheerful.
"Hannah. Joshua is in charge. You have to listen to him. He knows the rules. No fighting with Joshua. You'll be in BIIIIIIG trouble with me if I find out you gave him a hard time."
"Ok. Hey Mama?"
"Yes?"
"The bunny wants to get out of his cage."
My mommy-radar went  into over-drive. I'm sure my eyes opened up to half the size of my face.
"The rabbit is NOT allowed to get out of his cage. Do you understand me? The rabbit is NOT allowed OUT."
"Ok." the phone muffled her voice for a minute, "Hey Ruthie, Oswald isn't allowed out of his cage."

And they wonder how it's possible that I'm psychic.