"Ruth is in the howww-owwwsse!"

"Ruth is in the house! I am in the house! YEAH! I am in the house!" She sang at the top of her lungs and danced around to the music.
"Um Ruthie, I think it's Groove is in the Heart," I said.
"Oh," Ruth said. She stopped dancing and looked thoughtful for a minute. "I was wondering why they were singing about me."

Oswald's Great Escape

Let me see here. If I sniff at the door enough...yes. And If I put my front paws on the door. No? No...darn, they're not getting the hint.  Maybe some circles? Circling the cage, pacing...think caged tiger. Caged tiger.  Nope, not working. HEY! Hey guys! Man, this sucks. Why can't we bunnies have a roar, or a growl, or even a loud whine of some kind.  But no, all we can do is thump. Thump! Yeah, that's it.  I'll thump.  Sigh. The humans are ignoring that too.  I know. I know exactly what will tick the very large human off. I'll toss my food dish. That's it, carefully, carefully, grab the dish with my pointy teeth...there we go. I got it! I got it! Now flick it behind me. And dance on it a bit. Push it around with my nose.  Oh! Oh! That got the little human's attention. I don't really like the little one. She's too loud, and she tries to use me as a pillow all the time. But maybe, just maybe she has her uses.

Wait, she saying something...what is she saying? Sounds like Oswald...oh oh oh! That's me! That's me! I'm Oswald! Hey guys! That's me! I'll twitch my nose faster and put the paws up on the door again so she knows I'm paying attention. Oh! OH! She's pointing at me! This could be good.  This could be very good. Oh yeah! I heard the word "out" as in "out of this cage."

YESSSSSSS! One of the medium sized humans is opening the cage door. I like this one. He wears the fuzzy pants all the time. I like chasing the fuzzy pants.  No! Don't pick me up! No! NO! NO!  Wiggle! Squirm! Dang, he flicked my nose.  I hate when he flicks my nose. Wait. He's carrying me. Where's he carrying me? Outside??? I LOVE OUTSIDE! Wiggle and squirm some more, maybe this time I can get away from his arms.  DOh! Another nose flick. Gah! I hate that!

You're lowering me too slow! Too Slow! I want to get down! LET ME DOWN! Whew. Grass. Yummy Yummy grass. I love grass. OH and clover! Lots of clover.  Hey look, my hidey hole is still there. Quick! Before the smaller human gets me!  Wait? Where's the fuzzy pants human going? Back inside? Ooh, today might be the day.  Today might be the day I get to discover the world outside this fence. Yeah baby!

Oh man, that other human is in my yarn now. She doesn't live in the house. She just comes to see the other female human. Here comes the bigger girl human. She's not so bad until her friend comes over. They giggle and shriek and make lots of loud noise.  I'm definitely hiding.

What's this? Those two humans are leaving? They're going out the gate? YESSS!  Today might be the day. Today I might break free from this yard.  Today I might see the world!  It's all a matter of hiding, and waiting, and looking like I'm happy laying here in the dirt hole I've been digging.


 And, look! It's only the smallest human left. She rarely pays attention to me out here. This might be it. This might be the day.  Where's she going? Inside? INSIDE? REALLY? Yes! Oh oh...DRAT! The bigger human is watching me at the door.  Crouch down, crouch down...flatten ears. I am a rock. Yes I am. I am invisible because I am a rock. Not a bunny.  You don't see a bunny. Look away from the rabbit. Look away from...yes...that's it. The big human is turning away from the door.  Dang it! She's back. The littlest human is back, sigh.  Not today.  WAIT! She's going back inside. It's now or never...RUN!!!!!!

YES! They forgot to shut the gate! YES! I'M FREE! I"M FREE! Oh no! MORE HUMANS! AND SMALLER THAN THE OTHER HUMAN! I didn't know they came in smaller sizes!!!! NOOOO!!! They're shrieking! And chasing me! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!! RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!!!! There's a bush, and a tree, and another bush.  Hide! HIDE!

Ackk! It's another human! He's huge!  RUN AWAY!  RUN AWAY!

Wait a minute. Wait just one minute. He's big, but he's slow. This is good. This is very very good. Muhahahahaha!

Can't catch me, you pathetic excuse for mankind.  Sure, go around that side of the tree, I'm going on this side. Haha. Can't reach me. Silly human.  I'm not coming out.  Sure, come on in. HA! I fooled ya.  Now you're full of pine needles. Oh, coming around again? Check this move out. I'll just lay here nice and still as if you can just reach down and get me. That's right, com'mon get a little closer...now the hands come down...as if.  You think I'm gonna let you grab me. HA! Through the legs...booyah! ha ha ha ha ha....oh. Uh oh. Another pair of shoes. I know those shoes. Gulp.  It's the other human.  It's her.  Dang.  What to do? What to do? I know.

Submissive pose. That's right, nice and flat. See? My ears are laid back? See? I'm a good bunny. I'm a goooooooood boy. I didn't mean to get out...it was those other humans. They left the gate unlocked. I couldn't help it. I'm just a dumb bunny. I don't know what's my yard and what isn't. See? I'm letting you pick me up. I'm so sorry. Just so sorry. See how good I'm being? What's this? No! No! Let me down! Let me down! You can't let those tiny humans near me! ACK! What's this? Punishment? This is torture? NOOOOOOO!!!

Does she want to pet the bunny? Who is my human kidding? This tiny human wants to maul the bunny. She just chased me all over kingdom come. She's worse than the small human living in my house. Don't let her maul me! Please! Don't!  Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Gack! Ugh.  Well, ok. That wasn't too bad, I guess. Better when you're there to keep her from mushing my ears into my skull.

 Now where are you taking me? Inside? Inside? I have to go in? I get tortured by the tiny humans and now I have to go in? Drat!  No, no...don't lower me into the cage. Nope. Maybe if I put my back feet out...dang. She knows all my tricks. Sigh. There goes the cage door.  I'm just gonna flop here for now...review my plan...see where I made my mistakes...and revise.

Until next time.

It finally happened...

I forgot a child.  I am a bad bad mom.

This morning, Jeremy had to drive to Bethlehem to a customer, so he got up early, woke me up, and reminded me I had carpool duty.  "Ok," I said, "I can do that. No problem."  Ha!

Joshua's friend showed up early. Ruth was running around saying, "I don't know what to pack for lunch? I don't know what to pack for lunch?  What can I pack for lunch?"  Beginning to help her toss odds and ends into her lunch box, the other neighbor knocked on our back door.  Crap! Ruth has Chorus today! I did a mental head slap.  DUH!  "Ruthie, quick! Haley's at the door. You've gotta get to chorus!"
"I don't have a sandwich! I need a sandwich!"
"What do you mean you don't have a sandwich? What have you been doing all this time? Fine here, have another granola bar. There's your sandwich."  Now there's a healthy lunch. I shoved her out the door.
Good Mom score: -1

I turned to the boys, "Ok guys, pack 'er up. It's time to go."  We shuffled out the door, piled into the van, and took off.  A little more than half-way to the jr/sr High I said, "OMG! I FORGOT HANNAH! I left Hannah home ALL ALONE! CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!"  She's only seven. And she's a small, immature seven. How could I have forgotten her? How?

 At seven, an event like this would have set Joshua off into an apoplectic fit of major proportions!  Even mild tempered Ruth, would have cried in distress when she discovered Mama left, and she wasn't with me.  I quickly calculated. Our home is close to the school, but not close enough to turn around and get her. At this point, if I turn around, Josh and Nate will be late.  I asked Joshua, "Does your sister know the phone rule?"
"I dunno. I guess so."

Our home phone has programmable ring tones, like a cell phone.  I programmed my number into the home phone with a specific song. If Josh is home alone, he knows not to answer the phone unless he hears my music.  I took a chance that Hannah had figured out the secret code by virtue of being astute. Dialing my cell phone, I called her.

"Hello M-------s!"
"Wow, Hannah. That was great. You really answered the phone the right way. Good job!"
"Yeah. I heard your music and I answered the phone.  I knew where the button was and everything."
"Yes, baby, you did. I'm sorry Hannah. I left you home all alone."
"I know. I'm ok. You took Josh to school. Will you be home soon?"
"Yeah.  I'm just dropping Josh and Nate off right now. I'll be home in five minutes or less."
"Ok."
"Bye Hannah."
"Bye."
There was a long pause while I waited to hear the phone hang up on her side.
"Um, Mama?"
"Yes, Hannah?"
"How do I hang up the phone?"

I wanted to beat my forehead against the dashboard. She was alone. I forgot her. She was alone, and I forgot her. O.k. so with traffic, it's only a ten minute ride round trip, but I forgot I had a third child. How do you forget a child? Apparently, when the brain is not quite awake, it's fairly easy.

Walking through the door of the house, I noticed Hannah hugging to her chest the hello-kitty dry erase board I use to list all important phone numbers. Five minutes to a seven year old is an eternity.  "I was trying to find your number to call you," she said. Oh, can the guilt get laid on any thicker?

Good mom score: -2,000,000

It's going to take awhile for me to get over this one.