Five years ago I learned about, what I now refer to as, The Dreaded Rain Forest Project. I wouldn't mind the exercise...if it were realistic for a first grader. But it isn't. The scale of the project is more appropriate for a fourth to sixth grader. In other words, The Dreaded Rain Forest Project is a parent-project. One hundred percent. We parents get to show off our craftiness in the first grade halls. Yes indeedy. The children pick an animal. They write a report about their animal in school. Then the parents get to make a life-size replica of said animal to hang in their re-created rain forest. Don't get me wrong, the re-creation is cool. The entire first grade hallway is decorated with trees, fake vines, and rain forest animals...made by the parents.
A then-first grade Joshua, came home with his papers detailing all important information. He chose a python. Python, a snake. I can handle that. True sized? No problem. So I dyed socks because I couldn't find green ones. I let him sponge paint the 'scales.' We used sharpie marker to draw the eyes. I hot glued the body together, and Joshua stuffed his snake. He still has it. It hangs off the bottom of his loft bed. I thought, "Ugh. Never again. This was a pain in the neck." And it was just a sock snake! A SOCK SNAKE! I entered the classroom to drop off his python, only to discover most parents did their children's project. There was this anaconda that stretched the entire perimeter of the room, crafted from chicken wire, and plaster strips. Yeah, a first grader did that, sure.
I survived The Dreaded Rain Forest Project without realizing two years later, I'd have to do it again. Yay me. What does Ruthie choose? A Kinkajou. What the heck??? So I googled it. It's cute, furry, with huge eyes. Ah. Now I know why we're doing a project on the kinkajou. Ruthie is a sucker for anything cute, furry, with huge eyes.
This time I was smarter. We made it two-dimensional, and Ruth did almost all of it. Her idea. Her execution. I gave her some hints how to make the animal easier. And I drew the face. I didn't care if it looked like a first-grader made the animal. It's a first grade project. Not a parent project. So what if a spider monkey that looked as good as a gund-brand stuffed animal hung from the fake vines wrapped around the lights? Hey wait, do I see the remnants of a cut off tag? No? Dang. Some mom is really good at sewing. I could be good at sewing if I wanted to. Sure I could. I'll just get to that in between studying for biology and turning in the next weaving for Fatherless.
After suffering through another year of The Dreaded Rain Forest Project with yet another child, a frightening thought occurred to me. I. have. to. do. this. AGAIN. Oh snap.
For the last three years, I've been praying they'll stop doing The Dreaded Rain Forest Project at our school. Over the last six months I've been slowly counting down, holding my breath for when the packet of papers came home with Hannah. Here it is. The Dreaded Rain Forest Project. In all it's Rain Forest glory.
Jeremy and I were sitting at the table, eating a late dinner, while the kids were getting ready for school tomorrow. Hannah plopped The Packet down on the table. "Here. We're doing a rain forest." Jeremy looked at me. I looked at him. We sighed and looked down at the paper.
"Dear Parents, Your child has chosen Gorilla for our rain forest unit. Students are making a replica at home with the help of a family member (ha!). Blah blah blah. Please make the replica as true to size and colors as possible. Blah blah blah. Your truly, Mrs._______"
Jeremy and I busted out laughing. I'm not sure it was out of humor or hysteria, but hey, it was better than crying. True to size? A gorilla? Leave it to Hannah the pipsqueak to pick an animal three times her size.
Hannah said, "What's so funny?"
"Nothing," answered Jeremy.
I lied, "You know in Tarzan when he said 'Go-Rill-A?'"
"Oh yeah," Hannah giggled. Then she read the paper, "Dear parents, your child has chosen Go-Rill-A." She wandered her way upstairs saying "Go-Rill-A" when Jeremy turned to me and said, "Life-sized? Are you kidding me?"
Gotta love The Dreaded Rain Forest Project. There will be pictures. Oh yes. I think there has to be.
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