How to make mom fall up the stairs

(a handy twelve step guide for kids with parents)

I'm in so much pain! I just fell UP the basement stairs. How does one fall UP stairs? Well, let me tell you, it's very easy. Ruth has it down to a science. It is a regular occurrence in this house that I stumble over her things at least once a week. Usually while going up a set of stairs. That's not quite difficult here considering we have three flights of steps from the basement to the attic and all the rooms are utlitized on all floors.

With out further ado, let me share with you her twelve easy steps.

1. Get mom to put kids toys in the somewhat finished basement. (Ok, it IS finished, but with seventies paneling and gross brown carpeting).

2. Ask your grandmother to buy you something useless for Christmas. For example: bella dancerella ballet kit

3. Take present out of box.

4. Have Dad assemble gift.

5. Discover the toy is not at all as much fun as the commercial said it would be

6. Listen as parental units tell you to put toy away.

7. Let toy sit around neglected for almost a year.

8. Pull neglected toy out from basement, because it was forgotten how un-fun it is

9. Observe parental unit number two inform you that toy MUST be put away because he is tired of tripping on it in the kitchen.

10. Wait for parental unit to discover that you did NOT put toy back in the basement, but dumped it on the floor right under the stair landing.

11. Know that once at school the parental unit will go down to the basement, notice toy, step over it while think to herself "I'm gonna make that kid put this away when she gets home from school or else I'm gonna throw it away!"

12. Know that parental unit will attempt to go back up stairs, stepping over toy again, getting foot caught in the toy, and doing a face plant on the steps, while banging knee, elbow, and getting a nice nasty brush burn up the leg.

(note, these tips can work on a level floor too. Make sure anything is in the normal walking path of the parent before leaving for school every morning. Like a mouse in a trap, eventually a parental unit will fall prey. Also note, parental units will make you regularly clean up trap every day upon arrival home from school. By varying location of trap daily, parental unit will be caught off guard and thereby allowing frequent capture. Otherwise, parental unit will grow weary of the routine, and begin picking up said items for you, which is what you wanted in the first place, right?)