Spelling Counts

"It's Father's Day! It's Father's Day!" Hannah sang. She had made some stuff at school for Father's day, and had it in a bright purple oversized envelope. For almost two weeks she tried to give Jeremy the envelope only to hear, "It's not Father's Day yet. I can't open this."

"Finally. Finally! It's Father's Day! I have a present for you Daddy!" Hannah handed the envelope to Jeremy.
He pulled out the first part of his present. An Acrostic Poem, using the word Father.  He paused a minute, carefully made his face blank, and then showed it to me. Hannah was beaming, waiting, anticipating his reaction to her thoughtfulness. I sucked in my breath, and whispered to Jeremy, "I'm sure it's not what it looks like. It's just not spelled right."

"Yeah I know. But what do you think it's really supposed to be?"

 "Ask her."

"Hannah, read this poem to me..."Jeremy prompted.

"Funky..." She began

"OOOH Funky! Oh ok. ah. Good. Funky. But, you know, not that I'm trying to be critical, next time you spell Funky, make sure you include the N, and uh, there's no C before the K."

Slang 101

"So, all I had to eat today was a handful of cereal, a granola bar, and a small package of tastycakes." I finished lamenting my crazy busy day to Jeremy over cheese steaks. We were all sitting at the table taking turns relating our day.  He responded by singing the jingle, "Nobody bakes a cake as tasty as a tasty cake."  After repeating it a few annoying more times, he started messing around with it in his usual manner, "Nobody bocks a cock as tosty as a tosty cock. Oh wait. That's not very good. I shouldn't have sung that!"  At that moment, he started laughing so hard, he turned red, as boys are wont to do when making up naughty songs.  The color crept up from his neck, as the humor turned into embarrassment as three pairs of eyes looked at him with great interest.

"A tosty cock?" Ruth said.
"Don't say that again," Jeremy said when he caught his breath.
Joshua gurgled.
"Why can't we say tosty cock?"
"Uh, because it isn't a good thing to say."
Joshua giggled.
"I can't say tosty cock?" Ruthie asked
"Tosty cock, tosty cock, tosty cock" Hannah said.
Eyes big and bright, Joshua covered his mouth with his hand. He snickered.
"Because." Jeremy said
"Oh, you might as well tell her," I said.
"Tosty cock, tosty cock, tosty cock," Hannah said.
Joshua nearly fell out of his chair, holding his stomach, laughing silently.
"Hannah that's enough," Jeremy said.
"Why? Why can't we say tosty cock?" Ruth persisted.
"I'll tell her later." Jeremy turned back to me, effectively ignoring Ruthie. I knew it was a stalling tactic, and that he had no intention of telling them later.
"Tell them now. Otherwise I'm gonna be somewhere with the kids, and one of our girls are gonna say it at the wrong moment." I said.
Jeremy shook his head no.
Joshua snorted and slid off his chair. "Tosty cock. Oh man!" He said from under the table.
"I want to know why I can't say Tosty cock." Ruthie said.
"Tosty cock, tosty cock, tosty cock," Hannah whispered.
"Fine. I'll tell them."

 I looked at Ruth. She looked eagerly back at me as if I was about to impart the mystery of the world. I looked sternly at Hannah. A silent warning to not let this conversation get past the table.  Hannah's eyes glittered with ornery intent. She knew, just knew this was going to be good. "Well, you see, cock is another word for either a Rooster, or the part of a guy that makes them guys."
Joshua, who managed to get back into his seat, snickered. The girls sat in silence for a few minutes, absorbing this new information.
"Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!" Ruthie said.
"Cock-a-doodle dooooooo!!" Hannah said.

Joshua lost his seat again.
I almost had to administer CPR to Jeremy.